How people can support you going through the pain of loosing a baby is a very personal thing. What helps one person may not be helpful to another but these are some of the things that have comforted me
Talking about Hannah. When your baby is born you want to show then off. Sadly I haven't been able to do that but I still want to tell people about Hannah and talk about her. This usally means explaining why she died.
Don't ask 'how are you' not great is always the answer. 'How are you getting on' is a much better question
Don't worry about talking about Hannah to me for fear of making me remember. I'm always thinking about her. You can't say anything that will make it worse. Crying with you is better than the crying I do alone.
Please talk to me. Sometimes about Hannah sometimes not. I am exactly like you I also don't have a clue what to say to myself let alone another person. I still don't know the right thing to say to friends I know who have miscarried or who have had their baby die.
Please please give me advance warning of things that may be hard such as babies being born. It's so much easier to deal with when I can prepare myself mentally
Most of all if you have a question, just ask. I haven't grown two heads! Emails or text are the best way if you think it could be a hard topic for me. It means I can respond in my own time.
The last thing I want is to be treat differently. I'm trying very hard to keep going as 'normal' for the sake of my own sanity. Don't forget I'm just as surprised that this happened as you are. Never wished it, never dreamt it would happen.
I have been very fortunate. I have had any insensitive comments but I know people who have. We understand however that this is very rarely ment to hurts us. Don't worry we're all learning how to deal with grief. I named my baby Grace Grace (Hannah means Grace). I like to think I can show grace for those around me trying to show me love.
