Friday 28 February 2014

Grief is so tiring

I often feel so tired with grief. It weighs so heavy on my chest. 

There are some many things that are hard...

Seeing two girls about 18months apart playing with each other
Facebook! 
Thinking of times of year; Mother's Day, birthdays, being on holiday
Hearing other children with your name
Seeing other children the same age grow
Seeing double buggies 
Seeing other people go on to have their second child
Healthy babies born at 36 weeks (and going home the next day)
Being free to go out in the evening (and not limited by a newborn) 
Any babies born on tv but even more so when they are ill or die
Time on my own 
People complaining about their children 
And the list goes on.....


Friday 14 February 2014

How other people are helping me on this road

How people can support you going through the pain of loosing a baby is a very personal thing. What helps one person may not be helpful to another but these are some of the things that have comforted me

Talking about Hannah. When your baby is born you want to show then off. Sadly I haven't been able to do that but I still want to tell people about Hannah and talk about her. This usally means explaining why she died.

Don't ask 'how are you' not great is always the answer. 'How are you getting on' is a much better question 

Don't worry about talking about Hannah to me for fear of making me remember. I'm always thinking about her. You can't say anything that will make it worse. Crying with you is better than the crying I do alone. 

Please talk to me. Sometimes about Hannah sometimes not. I am exactly like you I also don't have a clue what to say to myself let alone another person. I still don't know the right thing to say to friends I know who have miscarried or who have had their baby die. 

Please please give me advance warning of things that may be hard such as babies being born. It's so much easier to deal with when I can prepare myself mentally

Most of all if you have a question, just ask. I haven't grown two heads! Emails or text are the best way if you think it could be a hard topic for me. It means I can respond in my own time.

The last thing I want is to be treat differently. I'm trying very hard to keep going as 'normal' for the sake of my own sanity. Don't forget I'm just as surprised that this happened as you are. Never wished it, never dreamt it would happen. 

I have been very fortunate. I have had any insensitive comments but I know people who have. We understand however that this is very rarely ment to hurts us. Don't worry we're all learning how to deal with grief. I named my baby Grace Grace (Hannah means Grace). I like to think I can show grace for those around me trying to show me love.  



Sunday 2 February 2014

For other grieving parents

I originally wrote this blog for myself to express how I feel and the sorrow of loosing Hannah. I looked at the statistics today and realised I am not the only one accessing this blog. I therefore wanted to address this those reading Hannah's story and our journey. I sincerely hope you can find rest in God. I just don't know how I would be getting through this without him x

 I have borrow this from another grieving mother but I resonate with these words so strongly 

'And for you, sweet grieving mothers, know this: there is hope. As time passes, the Lord will heal. He loves you. He has a plan for you that has included (and may still include) much pain, but one that is designed to make you more like Christ. Place your trust only in Jesus. If your joy and contentment is only coming from the hope of having children, it is misplaced.  Praise God for the opportunity to carry children in your womb, even if only for a short time. Know that the pain and sorrow of this life are temporary and that if our hope is in Christ, we can endure whatever He brings. Weep, grieve deeply, but weep as one who has hope in her Savior. And remember. Remember your child whose life was not in vain.' - 
See more at: http://www.amusingmaralee.com/2013/10/hannahs-story-stillbirth/#sthash.RslA44Uq.dpuf


Can also apologise in advance for my spelling, punctuation and grammatical errors. As I said before I initially wrote this blog for myself (though I am happy for others to read it). I have written some of these posts during sleepless night and thus are full of errors. I will go and through and edit them....one day!