No food cravings (I craved salty crisps and fizzy water from day one), no crazy dreams, no tender breasts, no crazy weeing or waking in the night to wee and like Beansprout I'm getting mild cramping. I have a scan next Thursday when I'll be about 5 weeks 5 days but I'm not in much doubt. No idea why this is happening again. It brings me back to that fact something has happened as a result of either Hannah dying in Utero or something to do with her birth has damaged something. This sucks and words don't reflect the heaviness I'm feeling. It is Hannah's anniversary in a few weeks. I was sincerely hoping I would see Seedricks heartbeat before then. Instead I will be remembering 3 souls no longer here. Some more tangible than others but lost too soon all the same.
Going to have to push for investigation work. I hope I get a nice doctor who will listen to me and take everything seriously. I know there is a cause for these two misscarriages. I just hope medical science can ascertain what the cause is. I will no be happy if the fob me off. It's so sad how long this has gone on and the energy it has absorbed. Katie was 19 months when Hannah died and she is now nearly 31 months. So much of her life has past and it saddens me that despite my best efforts my emotional energy has been on absorbed by loosing Hannah and the hope for a sibling for Katie. It has interfered with me enjoying Katie so much. I try so hard to saver the joy she brings but sometimes sadness takes over. It is starting to look pretty likely that Katie will be put only child. Which I know should be fine but I still grieve for what may of been.
I love you my beautiful baby girl Hannah who would be 11 months tomorrow
Xxx
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